Uncle Pauly's pearls of wisdom: Funny thing about China is...

My town!

Tue, 04 Sep 2007 13:57:58 GMT

Here is a video I made myself, gives a rough introduction to the world that I live in...enjoy!

Semanfar?

Sun, 04 Mar 2007 05:05:04 GMT

Just a little video that was brought to my attention relating to China, enjoy:

Snow?

Wed, 14 Feb 2007 05:09:19 GMT

So I just noticed in the news that america was hit with another cripling snow and I ask, where's the moisture here? Where's the cold here? If you've been following the weather reports for Taiyuan with a religious ferver then you would have noticed that its rarely below freezing and there's not much chance of snow. We are about the latatude of Colorado and so the lack of cold is kind of confusing to me but I guess I will go with it, it is nice to run at 5 pm in shorts, though the Chinese yell stuff at me (which I'm always a fan of [note sarcasm]) But just to clarify, if you are one of the officials who control weather, this is not a complaint, it is just an observation...I don't really want cold (though if snow is included I might be swayed)

I'm gona be in trouble

Tue, 19 Sep 2006 11:43:13 GMT

So I have a problem, I am adopting the Chinese traffic system. This in itself isn't so bad of a problem because its the way to make things work when I want to get somewhere in a somewhat reasonable fashion. The problems is that I am still American so when some guy stops in front of me and I have to swerve in front of the little old lady on her motorized bike to avoid hitting him, and she gets mad at me, I get kind of annoyed. This is kind of a point of hypocrisy because I really have no right to get mad, this is why, I also do most of the things that would make all Americans over the age of 16 with a valid drivers license nuts. Here is a list of the atrocities I've committed on the seat of my bike,
    1. Running a red light
    2. Going the wrong way through bike traffic (like going the one way down a one way street)
    3. Going the wrong way while talking on my cell phone
    4. Going the wrong way while texting on my cell phone
    5. Turning when my corner comes regardless of who is in my turning way
    6. Sitting in the middle of a major road, blocking traffic, cause I want to go to the other side of the road.
    7. Being unsure as to whether I should veer right or left as I approach another bike (or car) head on
Then the American problems that conflict with Chinese traffic, I have the following assumptions about traffic that don't apply in Tianjin
    8. I'm on a bike, I have the right away when I'm in the bike lane and a car is also...right.
    9. Pedestrians won't walk out into trafic without looking first...um, yeah they will
    10. People will look behind them before opening a car door after they just plowed their way into a crowded bike lane...I wish.
Now I mentions most of this cause I'm a little concerned for my traffic maneuvering abilities because a few months ago my license expired and me being lazy didn't think about getting it renewed. So I'm pretty sure one of the tasks I'll need to do back in the states for Christmas is to take the driving test again.
I think I'll leave the cell phone at home...

I'm hidding

Mon, 10 Jul 2006 08:12:19 GMT

For those of you wondering where I've been for the past month, I'm hiding and just need a break. I lost my internet conection at my house cause I'm moving soon and I don't want to have it so access is limited (you're actually lucky that its raining right now or I'd be elsewhere). So if the lack of blog's and monthly newsletter has hit you sour feel free to email me your thoughts and feelings, I'll be sure to email mine back, when I check. And will give you a full on update when I move. See you in August.

无座

Tue, 30 May 2006 03:12:16 GMT

无座, that's what the train ticket said. The man we were with told us that the woman he bought the ticket from said that they were for soft seats. I knew different. He was told that once we get on the train we'd be able to head to the soft sleeper car to get a bed for our 13 hour overnight train to Nanjing. We board the train and find out that I was right, 无座 means standing room only. It was true too, there was only standing room. We went to the counter to try and buy a bed, no tickets. So we realize we may be standing with the 100 or other people in standing room only if we don't think of something fast. So we head to the sleeper car but the attendant tells us that without a ticket we can't enter the car. So what are we to do?

We wait until the attendant goes into her room and closes the door, then we sneak past on our hands and knees to avoid being seen through the window and hijack an empty bed in the sleeper car. This last for 30 minutes when the train stops to pick up the people who actually bought the tickets for the bed. We move to the hallway and take three of the folding seats, we sit for a while until the attendant comes by and asks for our tickets. So what are we to do?

We fake that we can't speak Chinese (harder to do for Steve, my Korean friend who everyone confuses for Chinese). The lady finally gets frustrated and leaves us be. We are now comfortable and talking with the Chinese in the area trying to make deals for their beds, hearing that they are getting off early so when we stop next and all the people come on the train and its clear that we are now in the way of people who've purchased tickets we find the ticket lady and begins to explain our situation. This of course is surprising to her because we can actually talk Chinese. We make her laugh a lot but she continues to explain to us why we cant get a ticket, we explain our deal with the Chinese friends we made and she explains that they don't have a ticket to give us.

It's now 7, we boarded at 4, we get off in Nanjing at 3. We walk dejected out of the sleeper cars and head towards the dinning car, its packed but we manage to buy some dishes and get our seats. We sit there eating as slow as humanly possible, at 8:30 we are almost done with our two small dishes and trying to figure out what next to do to find a place to sit. As we are debating the server comes over and says that if we pay 25 kuai we can stay in the dinning car all night.

So we pay our kuai and get to sit in the car all night, the room was full of smoke, the table was hard and imposable to sleep on, and the seat was unpadded but at least it was a seat.

We get into Nanjing (which has the most amazing train station I've ever seen) and head to the Crown Royal. They'll charge the guy we're with an extra half day's rent if we go into the room before 6 so we have to wait for an hour and a half in their 5 star lobby, sleeping was not hard on their couches, and when we got into the room...nice.

Wait, how do you eat this?

Mon, 24 Apr 2006 02:24:28 GMT

Eating some food the other day and noticed this on the back...

Complaining works

Fri, 21 Apr 2006 12:09:48 GMT

I would like you all to know, in order to break the suspence, that my complaint with the climate comtrol people must have worked. The past two days have been in the 70's with blue skys and cotten seed all throughout the air. Just like its supposed to be in the spring so for all of you who are about to give up on complaining, here's proff that it works...yeah, that's a good lesson.

Will spring ever freaking come?

Wed, 19 Apr 2006 02:48:37 GMT

Okay so I would like to formally register a complaint with the climate control people. Tianjin is not that far north and it is April, why is it so cold? This place is freezing still. All the trees are bare and the sky is all gray and it's only rained once! Where is spring? I think this is the longest I've ever gone in my life without wearing shorts. Honestly some days I still contemplate putting on the long underwear, Its April for the love! So this is my complaint to the climate control people, if you're reading this (which I am sure you are being as popular as I am) then flip the switch to turn on Tianjin's spring weather. Get rid of these 45 degree temps and let the 70s and 80s come, and bring the rain, despite how discussing the rain is (bringing all the dirt from the air and putting it on the ground so you can see what you breath everyday). Though feel free to turn down the allergens at any point, egghhh, achoo, achoo, sniff snort, achoo achoo achoo....

McDonalds

Sat, 15 Apr 2006 10:29:49 GMT

So my dad said I need to write in my blog more and that it should be about day to day things and not the greatest in the world...well now we'll see how much he likes that suggestion when I talk about McDonalds. Here in Tianjin we have a few choices for western food, McD's, KFC, TGIFridays and a handful of pizza places and bars. The think is, with the exception of McD's and KFC, all the other places for western food is expensive. Now in the states I've not eaten McD's for over three years and I can honestly say I don't think I've ever set foot in a KFC. The think is though after eating Chinese food for the 17th day in a row I get kind of sick of it all and begin desiring western food like none other, the problem is with out a lot of money I'm reduced to one of two options, KFC or McD’s but I'm boycotting KFC and so left with the only McD to fill my hunger. The problem is I know I'll feel like crap afterwards and wish I'd just bought dumplings for the 6th night in a row, but before I eat there is very little that can persuade me from going (unless I have a friend invite me to eat elsewhere, Friday's is the best! hint hint)

Now to fill you in on the reasons of my boycott of KFC, I went to KFC and I wanted one of their value meals, the thing is I don't want their forced healthy value meals (peas and corn instead of fries and an orange colored drink (probably a tea) instead of soda. Now I don't want either of these, I want fries and a coke. So I go to order, knowing this dilemma, and tell the guy behind the corner, I want a #2 but I want fries and not the vegetables and also that I would like it large sized. 1st frustration: He tells me I can't have it large sized, I'm confused but the cheering of my liver I ignore it and submit. He then begins to walk to the orange colored drink machine, 'Um, sir, I don't want that drink, I want a coke.' He finishes filling my drink and comes back and says, 'that's not ok' I ask why. He says with the meals I exchange either the vegetables for fries or the orange colored drink for a coke. Frustration 2: I say no I want both coke and fries, he says no. He turns to check on my fries and the lady next to him comes and asks me what I want, I tell her the same thing, she says no. The first guy returns Frustration #3 I ask him why I can't get the coke and fries, he says it will cost more money (at this point I wanted to slap him, I don't care about the two kuai (25 cents)) so I tell him I'll pay more...he says that's not okay, Confused? Me to and now mad. So I tell him to get the picture menu and I point not to the meals but to the single items, I want this (Chicken sandwich) this (chicken breast) this (large fries) and this (large coke). Now he nods and adds up the individual items in the machine, now after this 15 minutes the total was 25 kuai (the meal is 24) and I pay and leave as quick as I can shaking my fist in anger and spurting sentence fragments under my breath...ggrrrrrrr McD's chicken sandwiches are better anyways, especially the one with the chunk of chicken skin still attached...mmmm, sorry liver.

Now back to the original dilemma, I'm sitting here thinking between two options because I don't want Chinese of any kind, oriental even, I want western. Fridays is out of my budget range for the week so my choices are Alibabas or McD's. Now I don't really want to eat McD's and so you would think that Alibabas would be the natural choice. Well Alibabas is a bar and last two times I went there was this girl there who has taken a liking to me. If I was to go with a group it'd be no problem, easy defense, but to go all alone...might be a bit awkward, though I've yet to experience my first Chinese stalker.

But all this talk about food’s made me hungry and have to make the choice McD's (shut up liver) or gamble on her not being at Alibabas...hmmmmmm…Sorry liver.

The man below me

Sun, 26 Feb 2006 14:28:26 GMT

On Saturday morning, I had just started a load of laundry, its early (for me) and so I am in sweats when I hear a loud pounding on my door. I think its just going to be someone wanting me to pay a bill, as they are the only people who drop by unexpected and knock loudly. To my surprise it was not a bill collector but an old man. He was equally surprised and quickly said, 'oh, your a foreigner!' I tell him, yes I am and he comes into my house. He moves slowly and my dog gets out, so I try to maneuver around him (without knocking him over) and try to get my dog back in the house. He begins talking while I'm chasing the dog and I don't catch much but once I calmed things down he mentions that he's an 80-year-old man and is sick and needs his sleep. My dog is not quiet and hops more then runs so when he's chasing his ball its hard for him to sleep. Now this is difficult for me, I understand his position and sympathize with him but how do I get my dog not to play, he's a puppy. I tell him I'll try to keep it down early in the morning and late at night which makes him happy, he was cute (if that word fits an old man) smiling and patting me firmly on the back as he slowly, slowly exited my apartment and crawled along the railing as he descended the stairs. The problem I have is that my apartment has wood tiles so when he walks it's loud, when he lays down its loud, and when he chases his empty coke bottle its really loud. But he's a dog, what can I do? I can't prevent him from walking around my apartment and I don't want to prevent him from playing. My current train of thought is to just pretend I didn't fully understand him, I'll try to keep my dog from playing at 7 in the morning and 10 at night but if he gets upset (which seems unlikely with how friendly he was) I can always pull out the white card and say, '我听不懂' Any ideas on how to quite down the reverb of the floor, please let me know.

Handicapped Squatty

Wed, 25 Jan 2006 16:12:04 GMT

So I discovered only 200 meters from my home a public toilet. This in itself isn't that amazing but what is amazing is that it is handicap accessible...kind of. It's a great try by China to be sensitive to the needs of disabled individuals but they kind of missed the mark on this one. How? Well let’s look at the obstacles a person in a wheel chair would still have to overcome to get into the building. First, you'd have to figure out how to get up the 9-inch curb from the street to the sidewalk; sure some parts are a little lower that others and some have rocks near by to lower the difficulty but still an obstacle nonetheless. Second, you'd have to maneuver through the jagged chunks of tile, loose dirt and potholes that make up the clearly unmaintained sidewalk, I think my dog twisted his knee hear while we were walking. After this you finally get to the thoughtfully placed ramps into the bathroom, complete with sign and all...but let us not forget, what do you do once you get into the bathroom? I couldn't imagine a squatty potty being one of the most convenient of facilities unless their wheelchair has a trap door or something.

Really?!

Mon, 16 Jan 2006 12:13:12 GMT

So I've been scouring all of my friends blogs hoping for some tidbit of information on their lives when it occurred to me that others could be doing the same with my site, hoping beyond hope for my next great though or incite into the mysteries that are our world...well let's see what happens.

China has a lot of Chinese people...

Now I know what your thinking, 'that’s not wisdom, in fact, Paul, I am going to never again look at your site or listen to anything you have to say…really, Paul, I believe myself stupider for reading that,' and you would be right but please read on, maybe something further from stupidity will spill on the screen. Now the reason I tell you that China has a lot of Chinese people is every now and then I forget it. Living day to day in a world where everyone has black hair and brown eyes I forget that mine are light brown (not blonde) and blue. Today I was sitting on my bike waiting for the light to change and I just happened to look to all the people also on their bikes also waiting for the light to change and it occurred to me, they are all Chinese. Duh, right, but for some reason its not that simple. I see them day to day and it never occurs to me that their is something different with them and I until I go to eat dinner and everyone is sneaking glances at what I chose to eat and turning their heads when I place my order and again I realize, 'Oh yeah, I'm not like them.'

For some reason I find a great peace knowing that no matter how hard I try, no matter how good my Chinese gets, no matter how many Chinese friends I have, I will still never be Chinese and every time I go into a restaurant people will want to know what people like me eat...or maybe I'm just narcissistic and I like to know that other people (besides myself) are looking at me in wonder.

Now that's good coffee

Sat, 17 Dec 2005 17:28:25 GMT

This is one of the best products I've seen in China and so thought I'd share it with you all, Thanks Mike...I stole it from Mike.